Something Less Than Consensual
B and I have been playing almost every weekend. It keeps getting better. I’m doing things I’d only dreamed of a few months go.
We had started our relationship focusing mostly on physical S&M play: lots of beating with various implements of impact. This was all well and good; she’s a masochist and has an insatiable craving for spanking. I’m developing my sadistic side so this was much fun for me as well.
But as our knowledge of each other deepened, we started branching out into Dominance & submission play. This is really what envisioned when I thought about living a kinky lifestyle.
As it happens, B is also very much into D/s. In fact, she said that she’d rather play D/s than with straight S&M. This really surprised me when she told me this, since she talks quite frequently, openly, and enthusiastically about receiving her beatings. Her response to submission are much more subdued.
But this is exactly why it’s so powerful: it’s a scary, intimate thing, and not something one can share with just anybody. That’s why it’s intense, and so desirable. Spanking will impact your skin; submission will impact your self.
And so will Dominance. It takes a great deal of control to play in that complex area above moderation and below abuse. I think that this is especially true for us Nice Guys; we’re trained to not be forceful. It takes skill to let that go.
But it’s worth it. It turns me on. And it turns a lot of women on too.
We negotiated a few nights before. We would be in Dominant and submissive mode whenever the collar was on. She’d call me “sir”, and she’d remember her manners. She’d do her part, but it was really up to me to get her into the submissive mindset — which I can understand. We talked about how to do that. I also got some ideas, and dropped some very vague hints about what I was going to do to her. This drove her insane with wonder — which I thoroughly enjoyed of course.
The weekend brought our playtime after much anticipation. I put the collar on her and her demeanor changed. It’s nothing but a piece of leather and metal, but it’s the key to unlocking a powerful force within her. She wants to be submissive, but has a hard time letting herself be; wearing the collar lets her throw off her own restrictions. When it goes on, her eyes go big and round and accepting as she looks up towards me, waiting for my action.
I started slowly, giving her simple instructions for undressing us both. But they were just a means to an end; as soon as she missed following one perfectly, I sized the opportunity to enforce upon her. I grabbed her by the hair and pushed her onto the bed, with as much power as I could summon. She gasped as she felt the intent, and I knew that I was having the effect we both wanted.
When I had her down, I started to play with her. Pinchings, spankings, penetrations of all sorts. Then she started saying “no.” We had talked about this before; “no” is not her safeword. So I kept going, harder and rougher. And then she started resisting — so I started fighting back. I mounted her and pinned her arms down, leaving my hands free to attack her face and breasts. I wrapped my legs around hers, spreading them open to expose her pussy. She tried hard (but not to hard) to cover up, but I had enough strength and position to overcome her. Then I managed to get into a position where I could reach her pussy without letting her hands and legs free. So I did.
She wasn’t panicking, but she was living the scene just enough to be actually trying to stop me from penetrating her. But she couldn’t. It was some distant cousin of rape that we could both allow. And it was incredibly hot. She had a different look in her eyes, a mix of frenzy, arousal, submission, and intimacy. It wasn’t repulsion, but it wasn’t complete enjoyment either. But it was what she wanted, and what I wanted too. I loved the feeling of overpowering her, of imposing myself on her despite herself. But I could still feel it hinge on knowing that she was enjoying our play as well. I need to know that whatever I’m doing is good for both of us. I can’t take pleasure at the expense of someone else.
And I like it that way.
P.S. I almost forgot: not long after this happened, I read an amazing story on this topic called Consensual Nonconsent. It’s like mine, but with the volume turned way up. I’m actually calling it the perfect nonconsent & mind fuck scene. Its very intense, so be careful — but if you’re reading this then you should be able to take it.